Barnaby was right about one thing–Crunch & Barley was a smelly place. But not a bad kind of smelly. It was more like being inside a big box of Cinnamon Rogers. Not bad at all. Fay paused in the shiny tiled corridor to listen for any Barnaby-like footsteps, but only heard swooshing liquids and clinking […]
Archive > August 2009
Chapter 9
“Got more mass?” grunted the man looking up from the furnace. The room was swelteringly hot, and in one glance Fay could see why. The iron furnace, roughly the size and shape of a dishwasher, was so hot that the strange and unrecognizable markings that decorated it almost glowed. “What?,” asked Fay. “We’re looking for […]
Chapter 5
“Who are you?” demanded Ari, keeping a firm grip on his yardstick. Apparently, the stranger in the deli booth either ignored or didn’t notice the question and continued smiling at the chihuahua, whose antics he obviously found very entertaining. The man’s hair was a curly mop and stuck out from under his cap in random […]
Chapter 10
After a moment of fog-headed dizziness, Fay landed with a bump on her bottom in the middle of the room. “Ow!” cried Barnaby Hootsman from behind her. “My Dad’s suing your pants off if I got all burned up!” “This…isn’t the broom closet,” said Fay, looking around. The Crunch & Barley green linoleum was gone; […]
Chapter 6
Ari spent most of the next day trying to make sense out of what he’d seen in the deli the night before. And when he wasn’t doing that he was counting to ten. Or higher. At lunch in the school cafeteria Finbar Fenker yelled “Be a taster, not a waster!” and squirted pickle relish all […]
Chapter 11
“What nonsense,” said Miss Parsnip as Mr. Arg stomped away. “I hope that rude man knows that I’ll be reporting this to the school board and the Chamber of Commerce.” “Report the smell too,” said Barnaby. “Peeeyoooo.” “It’s just horses Hootsman,” said Fay. “Plus pirates with no deodorant,” snorted Barnaby. “Oh, they’re not real pirates,” […]
Chapter 7
Daylatch closed the door behind Ari and Uncle Ellery. “So why are you here?” he said bluntly, even though Ari was sure he actually did know why. “Why are you calling my loan due?” said Uncle Ellery. “I have ten years left on it according to the contract we signed when the bank lent us […]
Chapter 8
Pretty weird to walk everywhere with a compass, thought Ari, realizing he was now standing at the edge of the giant inlaid floor compass, at “N” for north. Math was not Ari’s favorite subject, but he knew that on a compass there was a big circle divided into three-hundred and sixty spaces which started and […]
Chapter 12
“Your name is Patty Parsnip?” Fay asked, looking at Barnaby to see if he was thinking what she was thinking. “Bonny Patty Parsnip?” asked Barnaby. “Well, if you say so,” replied Patty with a grin, “but that’s a little fresh for a boy your age.” “And you really think this is 1711?” asked Fay. Patty […]
Chapter 13
Fay stumbled over a flour sack and Barnaby almost fell into the pickle barrel as the room filled with sweaty, snarling sailors. The big yellow-toothed pirate whom Fay had first seen at the shed door was now sneering into her face. “What’cha got ta’ eat here Missy?” he demanded. “Gots ta’ be better’n Twicky’s hardtack!” […]
Chapter 9
Ari was having a very difficult time concentrating on the usual subjects at school the next day. During math, Jimmy Jasper’s off-key humming didn’t distract him nearly as much as the verses on the old note, which were replaying themselves in his head completely uninvited. What were the chiseled stones? Who was Charlie Krew? And […]
Chapter 14
Two overwhelming and disagreeable smells assaulted Fay’s nose when the claw released her on the sand outside the store. The pickle smell was Barnaby whose arm had been clutched in Mr. Twicky’s other claw-like hand. And the bloody apron, which she now found herself uncomfortably close to, reeked of rancid chicken fat. “The boys is […]
Chapter 10
Ari was having an awfully hard time getting to sleep. He almost wished the reason was another visit from Dewey Daylatch, because as weird as that would be, it wouldn’t give him the queasy feeling he now had in the pit of his stomach. Uncle Ellery’s snoring wasn’t the problem either, but it would have […]
Chapter 15
The coin hit the floor with a “plink.” Fay hit the floor with a “bump.” This time it was the green linoleum floor of the Crunch & Barley broom closet. Fay felt relief…for a few seconds. Then she felt smothered as the tiny room filled to the corners with putrid pirates, jostling each other for […]
Chapter 16
“Miss Parsnip!” It was Judy Fipple calling from the end of the corridor. ”Miss Parsnip!” repeated Judy. “We were completely unable to find you. For almost two hours!” “Barna-baby!” cried Mr. Hootsman, holding out his pudgy arms for Barnaby. “Miss Parsnip,” said Donny Bing. “I brought potato wedge soup. Would now be a good time […]
Chapter 17
Fay dodged behind the kindergarten shuttlebus and pulled Barnaby after her. “That is not Mr. Clobbins, the PE teacher,” said Barnaby, with a snort. “And those kids are not playing kickball,” said Fay. They crouched behind the front wheel, peering over the nose of the bus. Fifteen first-graders, who were normally taught very good manners […]
Chapter 18
Luckily, Fay had been the morning announcement reader last Thursday. She knew exactly which button to push on the microphone to make sure she would be heard by the entire school. She took a deep breath and pushed the yellow button. “AHOY YOU GOOGLE-EYED SCUMSUCKERS!” Fay hollered into the microphone in her deepest voice. She […]
Chapter 19
Fay backed away from the repetitive jabbing motions Yellow Tooth was making with his cutlass until she found herself next to Barnaby in the hallway. “So boys,” said Yellow Tooth with a horrible, leering grin. “Looks like we’ve got our recruits after all!” He chuckled and lowered the cutlass, but continued to stare mockingly at […]
Chapter 20
“Hootsman,” Fay hissed, catching up with Barnaby as he rounded the playground swingset and took off down Hogan Street. “Where the heck are you going?” Barnaby panted but didn’t slow down. “Get cereal!” he huffed. “Where else?…Guy’s a freak!…he’s gonna whack my head off!” “NO CHATTERIN’ IN THE RANKS!” bellowed Yellow Tooth. “And slow down […]
Chapter 21
Fay had two strong but competing instincts. The first was to lead Yellow Tooth and his mangy band as far from her house and family as she possibly could, like a bird drawing a predator away from its nest. On the other hand, if she were a spider she’d trap them in her web. Where […]
Chapter 22
“Wait!” called Fay as the pirate band made ready to stampede down the basement stairway. “We’ve got a few more boxes here in the kitchen!” She tossed an armful toward the mob, and soon the empty-handed pirates were growling at their shipmates who’d made a catch. “Don’t worry,” said Fay. “There’s plenty for everyone downstairs.” […]
Chapter 23
Fay looked suspiciously at her fingers. Mr. Arg was now completely blocking the only exit. “Light fingers,” he said with a frightening grin. “The sort what lift things that aren’t theirs.” “What?” said Barnaby. “Like pirate coins?” He nodded his smirking face at Fay. “Ooooh…” said Mr. Arg, “sounds familiar does it?” “Pirate coin?” said […]
Chapter 24
Fay skipped the Cinnamon Rogers and ate eggs for breakfast. At school, she entered her classroom to find Barnaby Hootsman staring at her through the wrong end of a plastic spyglass. “Fay LaFarge!” he hooted. “You’re two inches tall!” “Hootsman!” she replied. “You should’ve been a swabby!” “Now now, boys and girls,” interrupted Miss Parsnip, […]
Chapter 25
Things were really messy at the Crunch & Barley Breakfast Factory. In Lyle LaFarge’s flavor lab a scrawny man stirred the contents of a beaker with sloppy enthusiasm. “Um…Mr. Twicky,” said LaFarge wiping orange batter from his labcoat, “there’ll be more for us to taste if you can keep it in the beaker.” “Won’t taste […]
Chapter 11
Two blocks down the street from the deli, where Spoke Street hit the east end of town, sat Saint Zita’s Church. Saint Zita’s was old and sturdy, but there was something silly about the the way it was made of gray rocks which were so clearly too big for it that it looked like a […]
BEA AND THE SMART KIDS
BREAKFAST OF SCALLYWAGS
HUNTING THE ROSE
THE LEGEND OF LOGJAM