Category > Breakfast of Scallywags

Chapter 1

Fay LaFarge rolled quietly out of bed and held her breath so she would be skinny enough to squeeze past the bedroom door without making it creak.  There was a new, crisp, completely unopened box of Cinnamon Rogers cereal in the kitchen, and she wanted the prize in the package. If she woke up Skipper, […]

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Chapter 2

Things were looking ugly at the Crunch & Barley Breakfast Factory as Lyle LaFarge attempted to slip into his flavor design laboratory quietly and unnoticed. Instead, he slipped quietly and accidentally into the Board of Directors who were having a heated discussion in the corridor. “Our stockholders are cranky!” screamed Mrs. Pink, ferociously squeezing a […]

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Chapter 3

Fay headed for school, late as usual, not feeling at all sure what good it might do her to have a cereal box coin in her pocket, but she was certain it must mean good luck. So she was surprised when her teacher, Miss Parsnip, announced that tomorrow’s field trip to the Briny Harbor Aquarium […]

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Chapter 4

Field trip days were special, and Miss Parsnip always looked ready to lead an army into battle. Today she was dressed in khaki from head to toe, and the pockets in her mesh vest overflowed with tissues, cough drops, and other important provisions. “Boys and girls,” began Miss Parsnip enthusiastically, “As you know Crunch & […]

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Chapter 5

Mrs. Pink took her job as chairperson of the Crunch & Barley Board of Directors very seriously. If anything fishy was happening at the factory, she would sniff it out. Sniffing was the thing she did best. And today, Mrs. Pink had sniffed out a whopper. Her fishiest fish yet. “What?” demanded Mr. Green, stomping […]

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Chapter 6

After an orderly march from Elbow Harbor Elementary, down Elbow Street, with a sharp right turn on Cargo Point Road, Miss Parsnip came to a halt in front of the Main entrance to the Crunch & Barley Breakfast Factory and blew several blasts on her sailor’s whistle. “Ahoy!” she said. “Are all my groups on […]

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Chapter 7

Fay glanced around the shiny industrial hallways of Crunch & Barley and felt a meager glimmer of hope. Visiting the cereal factory had to be the most tedious field trip she could think of, especially in Barnaby Hootsman’s group, but with the notorious Mr. Arg leading the tour…maybe, just maybe it would be better than […]

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Chapter 8

Barnaby was right about one thing–Crunch & Barley was a smelly place. But not a bad kind of smelly. It was more like being inside a big box of Cinnamon Rogers. Not bad at all. Fay paused in the shiny tiled corridor to listen for any Barnaby-like footsteps, but only heard swooshing liquids and clinking […]

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Chapter 9

“Got more mass?” grunted the man looking up from the furnace. The room was swelteringly hot, and in one glance Fay could see why. The iron furnace, roughly the size and shape of a dishwasher, was so hot that the strange and unrecognizable markings that decorated it almost glowed. “What?,” asked Fay. “We’re looking for […]

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Chapter 10

After a moment of fog-headed dizziness, Fay landed with a bump on her bottom in the middle of the room. “Ow!” cried Barnaby Hootsman from behind her. “My Dad’s suing your pants off if I got all burned up!” “This…isn’t the broom closet,” said Fay, looking around. The Crunch & Barley green linoleum was gone; […]

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Chapter 11

“What nonsense,” said Miss Parsnip as Mr. Arg stomped away. “I hope that rude man knows that I’ll be reporting this to the school board and the Chamber of Commerce.” “Report the smell too,” said Barnaby. “Peeeyoooo.” “It’s just horses Hootsman,” said Fay. “Plus pirates with no deodorant,” snorted Barnaby. “Oh, they’re not real pirates,” […]

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Chapter 12

“Your name is Patty Parsnip?” Fay asked, looking at Barnaby to see if he was thinking what she was thinking. “Bonny Patty Parsnip?” asked Barnaby. “Well, if you say so,” replied Patty with a grin, “but that’s a little fresh for a boy your age.” “And you really think this is 1711?” asked Fay. Patty […]

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Chapter 13

Fay stumbled over a flour sack and Barnaby almost fell into the pickle barrel as the room filled with sweaty, snarling sailors. The big yellow-toothed pirate whom Fay had first seen at the shed door was now sneering into her face. “What’cha got ta’ eat here Missy?” he demanded. “Gots ta’ be better’n Twicky’s hardtack!” […]

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Chapter 14

Two overwhelming and disagreeable smells assaulted Fay’s nose when the claw released her on the sand outside the store. The pickle smell was Barnaby whose arm had been clutched in Mr. Twicky’s other claw-like hand. And the bloody apron, which she now found herself uncomfortably close to, reeked of rancid chicken fat. “The boys is […]

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Chapter 15

The coin hit the floor with a “plink.” Fay hit the floor with a “bump.” This time it was the green linoleum floor of the Crunch & Barley broom closet. Fay felt relief…for a few seconds. Then she felt smothered as the tiny room filled to the corners with putrid pirates, jostling each other for […]

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Chapter 16

“Miss Parsnip!” It was Judy Fipple calling from the end of the corridor. ”Miss Parsnip!” repeated Judy. “We were completely unable to find you. For almost two hours!” “Barna-baby!” cried Mr. Hootsman, holding out his pudgy arms for Barnaby. “Miss Parsnip,” said Donny Bing. “I brought potato wedge soup. Would now be a good time […]

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Chapter 17

Fay dodged behind the kindergarten shuttlebus and pulled Barnaby after her. “That is not Mr. Clobbins, the PE teacher,” said Barnaby, with a snort. “And those kids are not playing kickball,” said Fay. They crouched behind the front wheel, peering over the nose of the bus. Fifteen first-graders, who were normally taught very good manners […]

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Chapter 18

Luckily, Fay had been the morning announcement reader last Thursday. She knew exactly which button to push on the microphone to make sure she would be heard by the entire school. She took a deep breath and pushed the yellow button. “AHOY YOU GOOGLE-EYED SCUMSUCKERS!” Fay hollered into the microphone in her deepest voice. She […]

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Chapter 19

Fay backed away from the repetitive jabbing motions Yellow Tooth was making with his cutlass until she found herself next to Barnaby in the hallway. “So boys,” said Yellow Tooth with a horrible, leering grin. “Looks like we’ve got our recruits after all!” He chuckled and lowered the cutlass, but continued to stare mockingly at […]

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Chapter 20

“Hootsman,” Fay hissed, catching up with Barnaby as he rounded the playground swingset and took off down Hogan Street. “Where the heck are you going?” Barnaby panted but didn’t slow down. “Get cereal!” he huffed. “Where else?…Guy’s a freak!…he’s gonna whack my head off!” “NO CHATTERIN’ IN THE RANKS!” bellowed Yellow Tooth. “And slow down […]

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Chapter 21

Fay had two strong but competing instincts. The first was to lead Yellow Tooth and his mangy band as far from her house and family as she possibly could, like a bird drawing a predator away from its nest. On the other hand, if she were a spider she’d trap them in her web. Where […]

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Chapter 22

“Wait!” called Fay as the pirate band made ready to stampede down the basement stairway. “We’ve got a few more boxes here in the kitchen!” She tossed an armful toward the mob, and soon the empty-handed pirates were growling at their shipmates who’d made a catch. “Don’t worry,” said Fay. “There’s plenty for everyone downstairs.” […]

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Chapter 23

Fay looked suspiciously at her fingers. Mr. Arg was now completely blocking the only exit. “Light fingers,” he said with a frightening grin. “The sort what lift things that aren’t theirs.” “What?” said Barnaby. “Like pirate coins?” He nodded his smirking face at Fay. “Ooooh…” said Mr. Arg, “sounds familiar does it?” “Pirate coin?” said […]

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Chapter 24

Fay skipped the Cinnamon Rogers and ate eggs for breakfast. At school, she entered her classroom to find Barnaby Hootsman staring at her through the wrong end of a plastic spyglass. “Fay LaFarge!” he hooted. “You’re two inches tall!” “Hootsman!” she replied. “You should’ve been a swabby!” “Now now, boys and girls,” interrupted Miss Parsnip, […]

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Chapter 25

Things were really messy at the Crunch & Barley Breakfast Factory. In Lyle LaFarge’s flavor lab a scrawny man stirred the contents of a beaker with sloppy enthusiasm. “Um…Mr. Twicky,” said LaFarge wiping orange batter from his labcoat, “there’ll be more for us to taste if you can keep it in the beaker.” “Won’t taste […]

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