{"id":72,"date":"2009-07-25T15:44:11","date_gmt":"2009-07-25T19:44:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/?p=72"},"modified":"2009-07-25T15:44:11","modified_gmt":"2009-07-25T19:44:11","slug":"chapter-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/?p=72","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

There were plenty of things which Ari Soffit could ignore.\u00a0 Sometimes he could ignore Flossie Beemis, casting dopey, dewy gazes at him over her maracas during music class. Usually he could ignore Jimmy Jasper, humming off-key, behind him in math. But he couldn\u2019t ignore Finbar Fenker. Not anymore. Not after Finbar had spent all of recess following Arden Feeny from tree to tree singing \u201cFeeny weeny pinto beeny, are your eyeballs brown or greeny?\u201d<\/em> Ari wondered how anyone in the entire school could ignore it.<\/p>\n

There wasn\u2019t any particular reason why Ari would want to defend Arden Feeny. He barely knew Arden Feeny. All Arden Feeny ever did was glare at him through her big glasses, the way she glared at everyone else in Mrs. Kirkle\u2019s fifth grade class. And if she wasn\u2019t glaring, she was reading encyclopedias.\u00a0 Still, Ari couldn\u2019t think of a single good reason why reading encyclopedias–or glaring– should make a person deserve to spend an entire recess being tormented by Finbar Fenker.<\/p>\n

Ari ducked out of the dodge ball game for a minute, feeling pretty sure someone else would nail Jimmy Jasper, and he watched\u00a0 Finbar doing a goony dance around Arden Feeny\u2019s tree.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Fenker,\u201d said Ari,\u00a0 \u201cBug off. Go compose an opera or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

Finbar\u2019s eyes got as big as saucers.<\/p>\n

\u201cFeeny weeny pinto beeny,\u201d <\/em> he singsonged, pointing at Ari with both index fingers. \u201cHe the king and you the queeny! Feeny beeny, marry Ari, have some kids all dumb and hairy!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cLike you Fenker?\u201d said Ari, wishing immediately he hadn\u2019t.\u00a0 He could almost hear Uncle Ellery\u2019s voice: Control your temper Ari…don\u2019t let your fists be the boss of you.<\/em><\/p>\n

Finbar\u2019s eyes got even bigger than saucers, or maybe it just seemed that way, because suddenly Finbar\u2019s dorky face was singing Finbar\u2019s dorky song five inches from Ari\u2019s nose.<\/p>\n

\u201cFeeny weeny marry Ari? Feeny weeny marry Ari? Dumb and hairy! Dumb and hairy! Dumb and<\/em> OOOOWWWWW! HEEEEEEEY! YOU BROKE MY NOSE! MRS. KIRKLE! ARI BROKE MY NOSE!!!!\u201d<\/p>\n

Luckily, Finbar\u2019s nose was not actually broken. But it was bloody.<\/p>\n

Ari didn\u2019t mind the three day suspension from school for fighting.\u00a0 And he didn\u2019t really mind his appointment with the school guidance counselor. But there was one thing he did mind. And that was Uncle Ellery\u2019s disappointed silence as Ari did his chores around the Deli. Ari hauled a smelly bag of eggshells and potato peels to the dumpster. Uncle Ellery said nothing. He just chopped onions.\u00a0 Ari swept the front walk, hosed off the awning, and restocked the canned tomatoes. Uncle Ellery said nothing. He just hacked the pimento loaf into slices.\u00a0 Ari wiped pickle juice off the counter and refilled the napkin holder.\u00a0 Uncle Ellery said nothing. He just pounded on the bagel dough. Hard.<\/p>\n

Ari thought his brain would explode from the silence.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t mean to hit him,\u201d Ari said quietly as he closed the napkin holder.<\/p>\n

\u201cAri,\u201d said Uncle Ellery. \u201cRemember where I grew up?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ari did remember. Because they\u2019d had this conversation about one-hundred times. But at least Uncle Ellery was talking.<\/p>\n

\u201cDaylatch Military Academy,\u201d replied Ari, \u201cFor Active Boys.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd why did I go there Ari?\u201d asked Uncle Ellery between pounds on the dough.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause you kept getting into fights, and Gran and Gramps didn\u2019t know what to do with you,\u201d replied Ari.<\/p>\n

Uncle Ellery stopped pounding and looked Ari right in the eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cAri,\u201d he said, \u201cI left Daylatch Academy ten years ago. I have not thrown a punch since then. You\u2019re going to have to trust me on this–fighting is almost never a good idea.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what do you do now?\u201d said Ari. \u201cWhat do you do when someone makes you really angry?\u201d<\/p>\n

Uncle Ellery picked up a heavy cleaver.<\/p>\n

\u201cI chop vegetables,\u201d he replied. \u201cOr knead bagel dough…but at school you\u2019re just going to have to ignore the bugger and count to ten. Or maybe one hundred!\u201d<\/p>\n

The bell on the Deli door jingled. Ari started to duck behind the counter. Then he caught Uncle Ellery\u2019s glare.<\/p>\n

\u201cAriiiii…,\u201d said Flossie Beemis\u00a0 sashaying up to the counter with a stack of papers. Her eyes looked as dewy and dopey as ever, and they were staring straight at him.<\/p>\n

Ari found himself both appalled and intrigued by the green powdery stuff she\u2019d smeared on her eyelids.<\/p>\n

Flossie giggled.<\/p>\n

\u201cI told Mrs. Kirkle I\u2019d bring you your missed homework,\u201d she said. \u201cWe\u2019re starting square dancing in gym tomorrow. With partners. You\u2019ll be back won\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ari nodded. He felt like a squirming worm on a fish hook.<\/p>\n

Flossie left with a wink of her dewy, green-smeared eyes. Ari let out a relieved breath. Uncle Ellery grinned. And the pile of homework sat there waiting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There were plenty of things which Ari Soffit could ignore.\u00a0 Sometimes he could ignore Flossie Beemis, casting dopey, dewy gazes at him over her maracas during music class. Usually he could ignore Jimmy Jasper, humming off-key, behind him in math. But he couldn\u2019t ignore Finbar Fenker. Not anymore. Not after Finbar had spent all of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=72"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":77,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72\/revisions\/77"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=72"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=72"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=72"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}