Petra the housekeeper swept through the cluttered kitchen of 107 Crotchett Street with a half-empty pot of oatmeal.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cYou vex me,\u201d she huffed. \u201cYou children and your fake food.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cKoo-Bars aren\u2019t fake food,\u201d argued Gordy who, as far as Petra was concerned, had eaten an intolerably small helping of oatmeal. \u201cHere, try it!\u201d He broke a corner off his bar and offered it to Petra who turned up her nose.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cWho cooked that?\u201d she said. \u201cNobody cooked that! A machine cooked that!\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\tBea gave Petra a sympathetic shrug, finished her own oatmeal, and walked into the living room. Michael-Dan, perched on the back of the sofa to give him a height boost, hovered busily over Kitty\u2019s hair with barber shears, making carefully calculated snips as glossy black tresses, some a foot long, fell to the floor.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cI can\u2019t believe you have any hair left,\u201d said Bea. She fingered Kitty\u2019s remaining hair which, even after such a drastic clipping, still fell to mid-back.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cIt was dangling in the petri dishes in microbiology,\u201d explained Kitty. \u201cContaminating the specimens. I had to get rid of some.\u201d She peeled more wrapper away from the koo-bar she was holding and took a bite.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cYou should stop eating that stuff,\u201d said Bea.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cPheomelanin!\u201d exclaimed Nola, slamming a book shut.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cExcuse me?\u201d said Bea.<\/p>\n
\n\tNola reopened the book, flipped a few pages, and jabbed repeatedly at a term in the glossary. \u201cPheomelanin,\u201d she said, \u201cis the pigment that makes red hair red, and Gordy\u2019s getting more of it every day!\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cGordy! Quit the koo-bars!\u201d demanded Bea.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cThat\u2019s ridiculous,\u201d said Gordy, feeling his hair as if that would help him gauge its redness. \u201cFood doesn\u2019t change your hair color…and besides, what\u2019s wrong with red hair anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cThis is nuts,\u201d said Bea. She scooped a wad of Kitty\u2019s hair off the floor and glared accusingly at it. \u201cYou guys are totally addicted, and there is something very wrong with this picture.\u201d She threw the hair on the floor and stormed out of the living room.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cOne quadratic equation!\u201d said Odin, looking up from his computer as Bea stomped across the marble floor in the front hall. \u201cSurely you have time for one!\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cOdin, I\u2019ve got bigger fish to fry,\u201d stated Bea without pausing in her dogged trek for the front door.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cHang on,\u201d Odin said. He shoved the laptop into his backpack and stood up. \u201cI\u2019ve got a Chaos and Fractals seminar. I\u2019ll come with you.\u201d <\/p>\n
\n\tBea continued to march single-mindedly down the front steps and nearly collided with Bob the fruit-cart pony.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cHave an apple Bea?\u201d offered Bill, offering her a choice rosy-red orb from his fresh bounty. \u201cOdin?\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\tOdin happily accepted, but Bea replied \u201cNo thanks,\u201d and paused briefly to run her hand across Bob\u2019s back and his now-fluffy extra protrusions. \u201cI…what the heck?\u201d <\/p>\n
\n\tBea stopped short and stared at the bump on Bob\u2019s back where her fingers were still entwined in a fresh, soft tuft of what looked for all the world to be feathers.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cDoesn\u2019t seem to be bothering \u2018im,\u201d said Bill, almost apologetically.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cWell at least that’s good,\u201d replied Bea giving the feathers a ruffle. \u201cBut seriously…I\u2019ve gotta go talk to Hort. Now.\u201d And, at a break in the traffic, she ran across the street to the Mervin Frostly science building, with Odin on her heels.<\/p>\n
\n\tBea and Odin threaded their way through a lobby full of chattering students.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cBea,\u201d called Odin from behind, \u201cHang on there a sec\u2019\u2014you\u2019ve got fuzz on you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\tBea turned as Odin plucked something from her jacket. He was inquisitively eyeing a bit of yellow fluff that he had pinched between his fingers.<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cLet me see that!\u201d she said, just as a boisterous cluster of students suddenly shifted behind Odin, causing him to lose his grip on the fluff, and his backpack, which hit the floor with a whomph.<\/em><\/p>\n \n\t\u201cDang!\u201d said Odin, diving for the backpack, while Bea lunged for the yellow fluff, which was now drifting toward the indoor garden.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cIt is<\/em> a koohoo seed!\u201d said Bea, snagging the fluff out of the air and holding it close for inspection.<\/p>\n \n\tOdin, meanwhile, had unzipped his pack and removed the laptop, which he was now gingerly opening on the ledge of the indoor garden.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cI have a touchy hard drive,\u201d he said, as he punched several keys to test that no damage had been done.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cCripes…I forgot to save that file. It better not have crashed.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tOdin entered a couple of clicks on his track pad and The Beatrix Flannery Reel<\/em> played jauntily from the computer.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cThank goodness for auto-save,\u201d sighed Odin, slumping a bit in relief.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cNice tune,\u201d said a bearded student in an army jacket. \u201cI like it. But dude…that plant\u2019s totally…like, engulfing your laptop.\u201d<\/p>\n \n \t\u201cOdin!\u201d cried Bea. \u201cIt\u2019s koohoo!\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tSeveral tendrils bearing fresh green heart-shaped leaves hovered in spirals around the raised screen of Odin\u2019s computer, and another was creeping over the top. Odin snatched away his computer, which was still playing merrily. Bea grabbed the dancing tendrils of koohoo and pushed the surrounding philodendron leaves out of the way to see if she had it all before pulling it out of the planter, roots and all.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cWho planted that there?\u201d demanded Odin, casting a suspicious eye at the garden while clutching his laptop protectively. \u201cSomeone needs a better grasp of symbiosis.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cNo one planted it,\u201d Bea replied. \u201cIt planted itself. Look\u2014I\u2019ll see you later…I have to take this to Hort.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tShe ran up the stairs and entered the lab to see Hortensia staring intently at several strips of white paper striped randomly\u2014at least it looked random to Bea\u2014with smears of green, brown, and yellow.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cTie-dyed bookmarks?\u201d asked Bea.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cChromatography,\u201d Hort corrected her. \u201cSee how each color stops at a certain point? Each one of those represents an analyte in koo-bars.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cAnalytes,\u201d repeated Bea. She shifted the rogue koohoo plant to her left hand, and with her right held one of the strips up to the light of the window. \u201cAnd this tells us exactly what?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cWell,\u201d replied Hortensia, \u201cit tells us several things. One\u2014that koo-bars contain most of the same worthless dreck they put in other processed junk foods, and two\u2014that it turns out there really is koohoo extract in the things.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cSo,\u201d said Bea, \u201cKitty, and Gordy, and Bob the pony…they really are eating…this?\u201d She stuck the plant in front of Hortensia\u2019s face as if it were a bouquet. \u201cLike this batch that I just pulled out of the garden downstairs?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cIt got out!\u201d exclaimed Hortensia, taking the plant from Bea\u2019s hand. \u201cThere must have been more parachute seeds!\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cThere were,\u201d replied Bea. She pulled the seed-bearing yellow fluff from downstairs out of her pocket. \u201cHere\u2019s another one.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tHortensia took the parachute seed and sealed it in a plastic bag. \u201cWell,\u201d she said. \u201cThey\u2019re in an isolated terrarium now. Let\u2019s hope we found all the escapees. And as for this<\/em> guy,\u201d she continued, tucking the wayward batch of koohoo into a vacant pot of soil, \u201cit won\u2019t be feeding the mice. They\u2019re officially out of the study.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cWhy?\u201d asked Bea.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cLet me show you,\u201d said Hortensia. She approached a large terrarium on the counter next to a window, and Bea followed. \u201cThe results have been, to say the least, disturbing.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tAt first Bea saw nothing but a glass enclosure full of mice acting mousy\u2014standing on their hind legs to sniff for food, climbing over each other to nab the choicest spot in the nest, and stretching and flexing strange miniature…wings. Not all, but several of the mice now sported these very unmouselike appendages.<\/p>\n \n\tHortensia lifted the wire lid off the terrarium and reached in to pluck out a rodent\u2014one with unnatural shoulder nubs\u2014from the exercise wheel. As she did so, a neighboring mouse suddenly unfurled a full six-inch spread of bat-like soaring apparatus and, with wobbly uncertainty, rose into the air above the mouse container.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Petra the housekeeper swept through the cluttered kitchen of 107 Crotchett Street with a half-empty pot of oatmeal. \u201cYou vex me,\u201d she huffed. \u201cYou children and your fake food.\u201d \u201cKoo-Bars aren\u2019t fake food,\u201d argued Gordy who, as far as Petra was concerned, had eaten an intolerably small helping of oatmeal. \u201cHere, try it!\u201d He broke […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/337"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=337"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/337\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":392,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/337\/revisions\/392"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=337"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=337"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=337"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}