\u201cWhat nonsense,\u201d said Miss Parsnip as Mr. Arg stomped away. \u201cI hope that rude man knows that I\u2019ll be reporting this to the school board and the Chamber of Commerce.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cReport the smell too,\u201d said Barnaby. \u201cPeeeyoooo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cIt\u2019s just horses Hootsman,\u201d said Fay.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cPlus pirates with no deodorant,\u201d snorted Barnaby.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cOh, they\u2019re not real pirates,\u201d said Miss Parsnip. Her usual enthusiasm seemed to be returning. \u201cThey\u2019re called re-enactors. They dress up to teach people what pirate life was like.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cTo smell what pirate life was like,\u201d added Barnaby.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cYes,\u201d agreed Miss Parsnip. \u201cVery authentic. In fact, if you two wait right here I\u2019ll go ask them if they could appear at our school for Pirate Day.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cShe is so totally obsessed with pirates,\u201d said Fay as Miss Parsnip trotted off briskly.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter Fay? Don\u2019t you believe in \u2018Bonny Patty Parsnip,\u2019 the lady pirate?\u201d asked Barnaby in a tone that Fay didn\u2019t find at all respectful.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cI believe in Barnaby Hootsman the deck swabby,\u201d said Fay.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cYou a swabby?\u201d grunted a demanding voice. Fay turned to see a scrawny man in a bloodied apron clutching a meat cleaver and staring at them.<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cI need a swabby,\u201d he said, \u201cto clean up the feathers an\u2019 gizzards an\u2019 such.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cWell,\u201d said Barnaby, looking a little nervous, \u201cI need a Coke…to quench my thirst and such.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\u201cAnd I bet,\u201d said Fay, \u201cthey sell them right there at that store. You coming Hootsman?\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\t\tSomething hit the back of Fay\u2019s leg with a \u201cplink.\u201d<\/em> She turned. A red-haired pirate was concentrating very hard at popping a small coin into a tin cup by pressing on it with a large coin. <\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cFlippin\u2019 eights,\u201d said Barnaby. \u201cThey\u2019re playing flippin\u2019 eights!\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cScram ya\u2019 little Missy Pattycake!\u201d yelled the grizzled old pirate next to the red-head. \u201cYa\u2019 messed wif\u2019 me shot!\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cSorry,\u201d said Fay. She took off toward the green store. When Barnaby caught up he looked at her with fake concern.<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cBut, Fay LaFarge, our teacher Miss Parsnip told us to wait for her back there, with the stinky men.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cRight Hootsman,\u201d replied Fay, \u201cAs if she won\u2019t be able to find us. Anyway, did you want chicken-man to start butchering you?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\tAhead of them, the door of the white carrot store swung open with a creak and a woman\u2019s voice bellowed from inside.<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cOff with you scalawag law-breakin\u2019 rum-swillin\u2019 pirates!\u201d bellowed the voice, \u201cunless you\u2019re sure your head\u2019s tougher than my skillet!\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cTake it easy lady,\u201d said a bald man with a lizard tattoo who was backing onto the porch. A shorter man followed him on tiptoe.<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cI never take it easy with vermin,\u201d snarled the young woman in the long gingham dress who was holding a cast iron pan as if it were a baseball bat.<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cThat\u2019a girl Patricia,\u201d cackled an older man behind the woman with the skillet. \u201cShow \u2018em ya\u2019 mean business!\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\tAs the pirates scuttled off the porch, Patricia\u2019s attention turned to Fay and Barnaby, and she lowered her pan. \u201cDo you young folks need something?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\tFay had a feeling the woman might be nicer if she hadn\u2019t just been shooing away scalawags, but the pan still made her a little nervous.<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cCoke?\u201d suggested Fay.<\/p>\n \n\t\tThe old man hooted and coughed. \u201cThis ain\u2019t coal-minin\u2019 country little miss,\u201d he cackled. \u201cWhat\u2019d your mumsy send you for? New clothes? Or is girls dressin\u2019 up like hurdy-gurdy farm-boys the latest from Paree?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cOkay,\u201d said Barnaby, \u201chow about soda?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cThat\u2019s inside,\u201d answered Patricia. She held the door open. \u201cCome on in.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cWhat the heck kind of store is this?\u201d<\/em> asked Barnaby in a hissing whisper as they entered. Fay shushed him instead of answering. Because she didn\u2019t know. The room was full of wooden bins and jars, and nowhere did she see what she really craved–a cooler stocked with cold drinks.<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cDon\u2019t mind all the ruckus,\u201d said Patricia as she hung the skillet from a hook on the wall with some other assorted pots. \u201cThose pirates have been getting out of hand this last week or so. Those two just came barging in here like bulls in a glass shop tellin\u2019 me they want cereal. I show\u2019em rolled oats and they got all unruly, like they think I must be hiding something better.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cThey oughta\u2019 be puttin\u2019 out to sea soon,\u201d said the old man, nodding.<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cThey\u2019d better,\u201d said Patricia. She opened a flap on the top of a barrel and held up a scoop of white powder. \u201cSoda\u2019s right here,\u201d she said. \u201cDoing the wash today?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cNo,\u201d said Barnaby, \u201csoda..you know, like…the kind you drink?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\tFay suddenly remembered her mother tossing baking soda in the washing machine to get odors out of Lynette\u2019s barfy baby clothes. \n\t\tPatricia looked at her oddly. \u201cThis is seventeen-hundred and eleven. Supposed to be and it is.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cNot to be rude or anything,\u201d said Fay, \u201cbut is there a real store nearby?\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cYeah,\u201d added Barnaby, \u201cwith refrigerators…not like the White Carrot here.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\u201cCarrot?\u201d replied the old man, with another cackle. \u201cDon\u2019t you know your vegetables, boy? That\u2019s not a carrot, that\u2019s a parsnip. Like our name. I\u2019m Joe Parsnip and this is my little girl Patty.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cWhat nonsense,\u201d said Miss Parsnip as Mr. Arg stomped away. \u201cI hope that rude man knows that I\u2019ll be reporting this to the school board and the Chamber of Commerce.\u201d \u201cReport the smell too,\u201d said Barnaby. \u201cPeeeyoooo.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s just horses Hootsman,\u201d said Fay. \u201cPlus pirates with no deodorant,\u201d snorted Barnaby. \u201cOh, they\u2019re not real pirates,\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[10],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/147"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=147"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/147\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":149,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/147\/revisions\/149"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=147"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=147"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.emilygillespieclement.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=147"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n\t\t\u201cOh, I get it,\u201d she said knowingly. \u201cYou\u2019re showing us what things were like in…what year is this supposed to be?\u201d<\/p>\n